When someone you love is going through cancer, you want to help. You want to show up, say the right thing, do the right thing. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned from my own experiences—and from my conversation with Dr. Lisa Murphy on The Beyond Impact Podcast—it’s this:
Support is about them, not you.
Dr. Murphy works with breast cancer survivors every day. And she’s heard it all—the well-meaning advice, the awkward comments, the emotional unloading that too often falls on the person who’s already carrying enough.
“People don’t always know how to show up,” Lisa said. “So they default to what feels good for them—when what the survivor really needs is something entirely different.”
Offer Help, Not Pressure
It’s easy to say “Let me know if you need anything.” But survivors are already overwhelmed. Lisa suggests offering specific help instead:
- “I’m bringing dinner on Thursday. What do you like to eat?”
- “I’m free Saturday afternoon. Want me to clean the house or take the kids?”
- “I can walk with you once a week if you need fresh air and conversation.”
It’s not about fixing the problem. It’s about lightening the load—physically and emotionally.
Listen Without Trying to Cheer Them Up
Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is just be quiet and listen. Don’t rush to spin it positive. Don’t compare it to someone else’s story. And definitely don’t say, “Everything happens for a reason.”
Lisa shared that survivors often feel emotionally abandoned—not because people don’t care, but because they don’t know how to sit in discomfort.
“Your job isn’t to fix it,” she said. “It’s to witness it. To remind them they’re not alone.”
Respect Their Independence
One of the most surprising lessons in our conversation was this: not everyone wants to be treated like a patient. Many survivors are craving a return to agency—to feeling like themselves again.
So while help is important, so is trust. Let them set boundaries. Let them change their mind. Let them be human, not fragile.
Consider Gifting Healing, Not Just Flowers
Lisa mentioned that some families gift their loved one a spot in her 10-week FEARLESS Method program—and that it’s one of the most meaningful, lasting gifts they can receive.
“You’re not just giving them support,” she said. “You’re giving them tools to support themselves.”
If you’re looking for a birthday gift, a post-treatment celebration, or simply a way to say “I’m here,” think about offering something that nourishes them emotionally, spiritually, and physically.
Hear the Full Conversation with Dr. Lisa Murphy
If you or someone you love has ever struggled with the silent aftermath of cancer treatment, this episode is a must-listen. Lisa shares insights that will help survivors, supporters, and healthcare professionals see survivorship in a whole new light.
The fight might end at the bell, but the healing doesn’t. Survivors deserve support, tools, and a path forward. And thanks to leaders like Dr. Lisa Murphy, that path is finally becoming clearer.
